Nenek Genit Yang Jenius

Seorang nenek genit masuk ke BI (Bank Indonesia) dgn sekoper uang.. Ia minta dipertemukan dgn GBI (Gubernur BI)

Nenek: "Saya akan buka rekening, dengan simpanan jumlah yang sangat besar!"

Staff BI ragu. .tp akhirnya membawa si nenek ke ruangan GBI..

GBI: "Brp banyak uang yg akan disimpan?"

Sambil meletakkan koper uang di meja. .
Nenek: "Rp. 1 milyar!! Tunai !!"

Penasaranlah Pak GBI,. .

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Staff: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Staff: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Staff: What???

The Old Fridge

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.

To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it...'

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.

He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.

So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

Mengurangi jumlah abjad pada bahasa Indonesia.

Abjad yang digunakan di dalam bahasa Indonesia berjumlah 26. Ke-26 abjad tersebut rasanya masih terlalu banyak, dan lagipula ada beberapa abjad yang jarang sekali digunakan. Oleh karena itu mari kita sederhanakan abjad-abjad tersebut dan menyesuaikan dengan kata-kata yang kita gunakan.

Pertama-tama, huruf X, kita ganti dengan gabungan huruf K dan S. Kebetulan hampir tidak ada kata dalam bahasa Indonesia asli yang menggunakan huruf ini, kebanyakan merupakan kata serapan dari bahasa asing. Misalnya taxi menjadi taksi, maximal menjadi maksimal, dst.

Selanjutnya, huruf Q kita ganti dengan KW.. Serupa dengan X, kata2 yang mengunakan huruf ini juga sangat sedikit sekali.

Airlines Cabin Announcement Bencong Version

Ledis en jentelmen, bekudis tempel semen, sesuai peraturan penerbangan,
jadi eike mawar kasi liat cara pake itu sabuk yang ada di pinggang yey,
baju buat mengapung-apung, dan masker oksigen dikala napas sesek.

biar yey nantinya bisa selamet, coba sini diliat dulu cara pasang itu sabuk
yang melilit di pinggang yey, cara ngunci biar gak gampang lepas,
ngencengin, dan ngelepasinnya.

baju ngapung ada di bawah kursi yang yey dudukin, jangan dipake kecuali
nanti mas kapiten ngajak berenang bareng. eit jangan lupa, itu barang
jangan yey pindah-pindahin yaa, apalagi dibawa pulang buat pajangan salon.

Marriage

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we're

Best Comeback Line in Court

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...


Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"


A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

B. I. N. is the BEST

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice .

Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.

Pikiran Mr Bean

*Mr. Bean menghadiri rapat*

Rekan: Maaf saya terlambat. Saya terjebak di dalam lift selama 4 jam karena listrik padam.
Mr. Bean: Tidak apa, saya juga ? saya terjebak di eskalator selama 3 jam.

*Pelajaran Mengeja*
Anak Mr. Bean: Pa, bagaimana ejaan kata “successful” ? dengan satu c atau dua c?
Mr. Bean: Beri saja tiga agar yakin.

*Mr. Bean ke bioskop*
Teman: Mengapa kamu mengajak 18 teman menonton bioskop.
Mr. Bean: Karena di bawah 18 tidak boleh.

Selingkuh vs Kopi

"Tolong saya Dok", kata Budi yang perwira militer pada dokter.

"Apa yang bisa saya bantu?", tanya dokter.

"Beberapa hari yang lalu waktu saya pulang dari kantor, saya menangkap basah istri saya sedang berselingkuh dengan lelaki lain. Lalu saya ambil pistol saya dan saya acungkan pada istri saya. Lelaki selingkuhannya berkata bahwa percuma saya membunuh istri saya karena saya akan masuk penjara dan tidak pernah lagi bisa bersama istri saya. Saya luluh, lalu ia mengajak minum kopi".

"Lalu apa masalahnya?", tanya dokter.

Musim Dingin

Waktu itu musim gugur, seorang suku indian pada daerah terpencil bertanya pada kepala suku mereka yang baru. "wala-wala chimo-ela suma totangka obuawachi?" yang artinya, "kepala suku, apakah musim dingin kali ini akan sangat dingin atau seperti biasanya?" karena kepala suku ini sudah modern, dia tidak pernah belajar meramal cuaca dengan cara2 kuno lagi. ketika melihat ke atas, ia tidak dapat mengatakan bagaimana nantinya keadaan cuaca. meskipun begitu, supaya aman, ia mengatakan bahwa musim dingin nantinya akan terasa dingin, sehingga ia menyuruh warganya untuk mengumpulkan kayu bakar untuk persiapan musim dingin.

Namun setelah beberapa hari, muncul idenya untuk menelepon Layanan Perkiraan Cuaca, dan menanyakan, "apa musim dingin kali ini akan sangat dingin atau tidak?" "kelihatannya musim dingin kali ini akan sangat dingin," kata petugas di Layanan Perkiraan Cuaca tersebut. kemudian kepala suku kembali dan menyuruh warganya untuk mengumpulkan kayu lebih banyak lagi untuk persiapan.

Do Men Remember Anniversaries?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

When Boss Kidnapped

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rp. 10 Billion ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

Berita Buruk

Suatu sore telepon berbunyi.
"Hallo, Pak juri ? Ini saya, tuan, Dodo, pembantu di villa bapak.."

"Oh iya. Ada apa Do? Ada masalah?

"Anu..saya nelepon cuma mau ngasih tau, burung kakaktua bapak mati.."

"Kakaktua saya? Mati? Yang pernah menang di Lomba Tingkat Dunia itu??"

"Ya tuan..yang itu"

"Waduh sial juga ya...lumayan banyak juga tuh duit keluar buat ngelatih tu burung.. matinya kenapa do?"

Ketika Programmer Menikah

Seorang programmer mengirimkan surat berikut :

Yth. Customer Support :
Saya sangat membutuhkan bantuan. Baru-baru ini saya melakukan upgrade program Girlfriend 7.0 ke Wife 1.0 dan diluar perkiraan saya ternyata program baru ini mulai melakukan proses pembuatan sub program Child 1.0 dan juga mulai memakan waktu dan sumber berharga lainnya. Hal ini tidak dicantumkan di brosur produknya.

Sebagai tambahan Wife 1.0 juga mengacaukan program lainnya, memasukkan dirinya ke dalam proses start up harian dimana secara otomatis memonitor semua aktivitas system seperti sebuah Virus.

Air India

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain PATEL (Boniface) Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air India .

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India . And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

PLN

Satu pasangan muda sangat bersuka cita demi mengetahui sang isteri hamil muda. Namun sebelum mendapat kepastian dari dokter, mereka sepakat untuk merahasiakan kehamilan tersebut.

Isteri: "Pa, nggak usah diomongin dulu ya… takut gagal, ‘kan nggak enak kalau sudah diomong-omongin…"

Suami: "Oke deh ma, janji nggak bakalan diomongin sebelum ada konfirmasi dokter."

Tiba-tiba datang karyawan PLN ke rumah mereka untuk menyerahkan tagihan dan denda atas tunggakan rekening listrik mereka bulan yang lalu.

Tukang Rekening PLN: "Nyonya terlambat 1 bulan."

Sex with Ghost

There was a seminar on "Psychic Phenomena" going on, when the speaker decided to involve the audience. He first asked, "Everyone who has ever seen a ghost, please stand up." Well, nearly the entire audience stood up.

He then asked, "Everyone who has ever had a close encounter with a ghost, please remain standing." About 2 dozen people were still standing.

He then asked how many people had been in the same room as a ghost and 6 people stood up.

Finally he asked, "Anyone who has ever had SEX with a ghost, please remain standing." Everyone sat down except this one man.

When the speaker demanded if he had REALLY had sex with a ghost, the guy replied, "Oh, I am very sorry, I thought you said GOAT."

Little Johnny - I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

Little Johnny - Skips A Grade

A first grade teacher was having trouble with little Johnny, who was one of her first grade students. He was constantly misbehaving during class. Finally, she held him after class one day.

The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.